Irony
by reiayanami1
Summary: Why is Rei acting differently than usual? Why is Asuka playing jokes on poor Shinji? Deals with split timelines...
1. Default Chapter

Ethan Frome

It seems that all of my work is either really stupid or really depressing. Watch out, because this one may actually manage to be both…

And so I give you…

Oh, wait, I forgot disclaimers and such again…

None of this stuff belongs to me. Do you seriously think that a 15-year-old kid would waste her time writing fanfic for a really great anime if she actually owned it? Hell, no! I'd be out spending all the money I'd made from it! So, anyway, I don't own Evangelion, or probably anything else in this story. Oh, except for the fat man. I made him up and he's mine and there's nothing you can do about it!!! *Cackles maniacally*

Now, moving on…

Without further ado, I give you…

Irony

Prologue

Shenji sighed. Irony could be taken for many things, but he knew at least two things about it were true: he often found himself in ironic situations, and it almost certainly meant he would wind up embarrassed. So Shenji didn't really appreciate the Irony Gods' affinity for him. 

He dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. After shooing Pen Pen out, he sat under the steaming water for almost an hour, pondering his latest embarrassment. Asuka had thought it would be funny to make Shenji think that Misato had, well, _feelings_ for him, and, enthralled with this possibility, had begun harboring quite a crush on his drunken friend. Since, of course, she didn't like him (because that would just be kinda gross, when you think about it), Shenji wound up being the laughing stock of all of NERV yet again. 

For some reason, Asuka had been pulling lots of pranks on the poor boy lately. He had written it off as boredom, and was sure that soon something else would catch the aggressive girl's attention.

Shenji unfortunately found this to be untrue when he stepped out of the shower. The bathroom had been stripped entirely of towels.

"Asuka!" he muttered furiously, luckily finding a towel that had been hidden behind the pipes of the sink. He marched into the kitchen where he found Asuka stuffing her face with eggs and bacon. He was about to give her a piece of his mind when he realized that Misato was also there, downing a beer like a caffeine addict would drink coffee before work. So, instead, he spluttered a bit and sat down at the table and wolfed down a bowl of cereal after realizing he'd be late for class if he didn't hurry.

Shenji's day went by with little excitement, and he returned to his apartment to find it empty. He went into the kitchen, and to the familiar beat of track 26 on his SDAT, prepared a snack. After finishing his sandwich, he was about to flop on the sofa and watch some TV when the doorbell rang.

"Who is it?" Shenji called, heading for the door. There was only an inaudible reply, so he peeked cautiously out the door to see Rei Ayanami. Since there appeared to be no immediate danger, he invited the quiet, almost mechanical girl in.

"Hello, Ayanami," Shenji said as he ushered her to the sofa. "Do you need anything?"

"Pilot Ikari, I hoped I might speak to you of some thoughts I've had recently," Rei replied softly.

"Of course, Rei, you know I'm always glad to talk with you," Shenji replied. Something about the girl's manner made him lower his voice and speak more precisely. "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

*~*~*~*

And that is my first attempt at a fanfic with dialogue. I'd like to thank everyone who gave me advice on my first story: Nega-darkwing, Ayanami Rei, Judging Eagle, Jedi_duellist, Rei-chan, and Kimberly. All of your advice was helpful, and I hope it helped to make this story better.


	2. Chapter 1- Revelation

Howdy everyone

Howdy everyone! Here's the not very long awaited Chapter 1 of Irony. Thanks to everyone who told me how to spell "Shinji." I swear I knew that. I just can't type, lol. It was just by the time I realized it; I'd finished the prologue and was too lazy to fix it. So this time I'll watch my spelling. Or I'll just use that great invention AUTO-CORRECT! That thing has made my life so much easier. Much less typing, more brainstorming.

All usual disclaimers apply- this ain't mine!

I talk too much, don't I?

Ok, here goes… 

Irony-

Chapter 1- Revelation

****

A/N- I should mention that this is a bit of an altered timeline. I'm not exactly sure where it splits from "reality," somewhere between when Asuka joins them and the End.

"Pilot Ikari, I hoped I might speak to you of some thoughts I've had recently," Rei replied softly.

"Of course, Rei, you know I'm always glad to talk with you," Shenji replied. Something about the girl's manner made him lower his voice and speak more precisely. "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

Rei looked rather surprised, perhaps because most people had reacted negatively to her for most of her life. She looked down at her hands, which twisted nervously in her lap.

"Pilot Ikari, I…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say. Since she was usually quite passive, it was rather hard to make such an aggressive statement as she had planned.

"Yes?" Shinji replied, trying to give her confidence. He knew that whatever she had to say was important, and probably hard to put into words.

To Shinji's surprise, she looked up at him, right in the eye.

"Ikari, Do you like me?" Rei asked, rather suddenly.

"Of course I like you, Ayanami. You're a good pilot, and you've never been mean or anything," Shinji replied, now extremely startled. He had expected something along the lines of a problem with her EVA or a previous experience with an Angel.

Rei shook her head slightly. "No. Not in that way."

"In what way, then?" Shinji asked apprehensively. He, like Rei, wasn't used to talking about personal thoughts. Even though he had to admit that he was more fortunate than the blue-haired girl, he still had never really had anyone to talk to about his thoughts.

"I am not sure. I heard Misato-san say something about a prophecy of some sort. It was about the paths of the three Children," Rei replied.

Shinji raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Prophecy? You don't seem like the type to believe in something like that…"

Rei didn't reply for a moment. A pale blush spread across her cheeks. "I see," she said quietly. "I will be leaving now." She hurriedly stood up and started toward the door, which Shinji had left open at the surprise of seeing Rei standing there.

He waved numbly. "Goodbye, Rei. Why don't you come back later? I actually enjoyed seeing you." He called this to her retreating back.

Rei looked back for a moment. "I would like that, Pilot Ikari," she replied.

"And Rei? Call me Shinji, ok?"

"Of course, Pil- um, Shinji." Rei resumed her slow retreat. Shinji stood in the doorway, watching her. When she was out of sight, Shinji closed the door quietly and stretched out on the sofa.

__

A prophecy? That seems rather ridiculous, Shinji thought. _And it certainly doesn't seem like something Misato would hold faith in. But why? Why do Misato and Rei both believe in something so ridiculous? They're two of the more sensible people I know, and they're going on about a _prophecy!_ Well, I'll ask Misato about it tomorrow. I'm tired right now…_

Shinji went on to bed, without waiting for Misato or Asuka. He was still fairly embarrassed around Misato, and had decided that he wasn't speaking to Asuka. He quickly fell into a deep sleep to be awakened only a few hours later by Misato calling for him.

Shinji appeared in the doorway to the living room to find Misato sitting on the sofa, looking rather tense, well, for Misato anyway.

"Did you need something?" Shinji asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 12 am.

"Shinji, did you talk to Rei earlier today?" Misato asked.

"Yeah, she wanted to talk," Shinji yawned. He didn't understand why everyone had been acting so strangely recently. Misato was tense, Asuka was even meaner than usual, and Rei was being more aggressive and emotional, all in the same week.

Misato took a deep breath, "Shinji, I want you to be perfectly honest about what I'm going to ask you, ok?" Shinji nodded. "Did she mention a prophecy?" Shinji nodded mutely again. "Look, I know it seems strange, but it's true. The prophecy, I mean."

"Are you feeling all right?" Shinji asked. He still couldn't believe that everyone was embracing this 'prophecy' thing.

"Yes, Shinji. Look, this needs to be explained to you and the others. Rei will be here shortly. Can you wake Asuka?" Misato suddenly had a more businesslike manner.

Shinji was apprehensive about the pain that would be inflicted on him when he woke Asuka from her beauty sleep, but he did as Misato asked.

Soon, three very tired teenagers were sitting there in front of Misato. Misato herself was pacing restlessly, looking for a place to begin explaining.

"Look, kids, I have no idea where to begin. I'm not even sure why I'm the one explaining this. But I was appointed, and I have to do this before it occurs."

"Before what occurs, Misato?" Asuka asked, waking up a bit.

"The Revelation," Misato replied simply, as if that explained everything. If she expected them to understand, she was wrong. All she got was three numbed stares.

"Ok, then. This is going to be hard for you to believe, but I promise you, it's true," Misato went on. "The thing is, things are not as they were supposed to be. You may have noticed each other acting differently lately, am I right? Look, this is a long story, so get ready, ok?" Misato was having some difficulty trying to explain everything. She had, by now, captured the three children's attention. After taking a few deep breaths, she began the story. "You see, 15 years ago, we had almost no hope for the future. We had to find a way to fight."  
"The EVA's," Shinji murmured.

"Yes," Misato replied. "But there was a problem. You see, there was certain criteria that had to be met in order to fight effectively. Three warriors that would fight together as one. We had the three chosen children already, but there were problems. In order to fight together, each must have certain, but different strengths. So before birth, you were altered."

This brought forth gasps of surprise from all three.

"The three chosen children had to represent one mind. So each of you is incomplete. The idea was to create once personality in three people."  
"Wait," Asuka said, "I don't understand how you can use three people and have one personality, especially since we are nothing alike."

"That was the beauty of this alteration. Most personalities have three components."  
"One for each," Rei breathed.

Misato went on, speaking precisely. "The ego, the superego, and the id. Each of these is capable of existing separately, and yet they can be joined to form one person. It was perfect. But, of course, like everything else in this godforsaken world, there were problems. There are consequences for messing with what was supposed to be. You were each supposed to be separate, complete people, and the human race was supposed to die out."

"So that's what this is… the undoing of what was done wrong," Shinji gasped, realizing what had been missing from him all his life.

"Yes. But there are complications. Since the remainder of your personalities were erased, you are not becoming the complete person, you are… well, melding."

"You mean I'm going to share my brain with these two clods?" Asuka cried out suddenly.

"Possibly. That is what is happening right now. You have each begun to take on the other's traits. It is especially noticeable in Rei, for some reason. We have almost a year before the Revelation occurs, at which point, you will become one person, and the entire human race will vanish. We have a year to change this. We may only have a year left."

*~*~*~*

So, how did you like Chapter 1? Hopefully it was interesting, and I stayed slightly true to the characters. The inspiration for the splitting of the personalities is from an article… I don't remember whose it is. If you know who wrote an article on the personalities in Evangelion, or if you wrote it, tell me and I'll give you proper credit.


End file.
